An essay about death and dying by Washington and Lee alumna Kerry Egan, of the Class of 1995, touched a nerve on CNN.com over the weekend.
Kerry, a religion major who received her master's of divinity from Harvard, is a hospice chaplain in Massachusetts. She spends her time talking with people who are dying. In her piece, which was published on Jan. 28 and titled "What people talk about before they die," Kerry wrote about her experiences with hospice patients:
Mostly, they talk about their families: about their mothers and fathers, their sons and daughters. They talk about the love they felt, and the love they gave. Often they talk about love they did not receive, or the love they did not know how to offer, the love they withheld, or maybe never felt for the ones they should have loved unconditionally.
Kerry Egan '95
People talk about their families, she wrote, because "that is how we talk about God. That is how we talk about the meaning of our lives. That is how we talk about the big spiritual questions of human existence."
She does not, Kerry wrote, necessarily use "the words of theology to talk about God" and added that "people who are close to death almost never do. We should learn from those who are dying that the best way to teach our children about God is by loving each other wholly and forgiving each other fully – just as each of us longs to be loved and forgiven by our mothers and fathers, sons and daughters."
Within 24 hours of the essay's posting on CNN's site, it drew 3,000 comments in response, many praising her and others taking her to task. It was, as CNN wrote in its "Overheard on CNN" column, "quite the conversation starter."
In 2004, Kerry published Fumbling: A Journey of Love, Adventure, and Renewal on the Camino de Santiago, a journal of her experiences with her then boyfriend (now husband), Alex Ruskell, of the Class of 1994, on the pilgrimage route in southern France and northern Spain known as Camino de Santiago, or the Way of St. James.
Kerry,
I just read your essay and I was very moved by the absolute truth you shared. These are the things I've noticed in my very few experiences with a dying person. Some people never get past theology and to the true heart of the matter…love…for whatever the reason. I've had to move on in my life past the legalists and follow my gut instincts on stuff like this, and not be distracted by those who have different views. I've concluded for me the people who make the most difference (whether a chaplin, priest, minister, or otherwise), are those who actually want to listen to others and help with the needs of others than those who want to do all the talking.
I don't think I have ever left a comment about an online article, and after seeing this on the CNN site, I looked for another less public way to contact you and was glad to find this on the W&L site.
Thanks for sharing! Jim (Vanderbilt '83…and still learning about stuff, like the Way of St. James. I just got back from a trip to Jerusalem…OK, so it was a cruise and not a pilgramage!…but that looks like a great trek! Thanks again
A beautifully written and candid essay. The family love you wrote about made me think of the wonderful song written by Bob Frankie called "Hard Love"
Kerry
Having gone through a near death cancer journey in 2011, I can attest with absolute certainty your comments in the article. While not religious, I felt deeply the tremendous message that you have shared. While it was challenging i do not regret at all the journey. It made me focus more diligently on the things that are truly important.
Thank you so much
Paul
Kerry, I am in my 70's and your essay rang a bell for me, it is a story that encapulated in my opinion, our entired being…and a purpose for living….Thank you for putting this in a very simple meaning of life and life's purpose. Way
Thank you, Kerry.
A beautiful essay … you've reaquainted us of the truth of love.
Keep up the good work.
Beautiful reflection on life, in this materialistic world we forget about the invaluable things we have and chase for the the objects.
Thank you, Kerry for sharing. You have no idea how you have put things in perspective for some of us.
I have been searching for these words for a long time. You filled my hole with what I needed to know. Thank you.
Kerry,
I am so happy to read about the important work you are doing and to experience the description in your words. I lost my father to cancer this year, but I was fortunate to move close to him during his final year, spend time, care for him, and exchange gratitude and forgiveness for everything that had passed between us. This was truly a gift. I have fond memories of studying religion along side you at W&L (I was class of '97) and am so proud of you for the work you are doing. Through all the assignments, the texts, the buildings, the lectures, and the wonderful professors through which we came to learn more fully about religion in our world, it is still a wonder to see it truly demonstrated in acts of love and kindness everyday right in front of us.
Jessica Kyriakakis